The Pandemic Pages – Volume 1

I isolated early because I saw information from my work that worried me. I read some articles and looked at the data and stayed the fuck at home.

Trying to convince my socialite son to stay home was almost impossible. We fought about it. I won. He now stays at home because he worries. He was in and out of the hospital last year with a compromised immune system. He gets pneumonia as other people get colds. He cannot be amongst the great unwashed no matter how many mates he wants to see.

My daughter has brittle asthma and is living in the coldest state in Australia where they only have 11 ventilators. She lives alone. I am sick with worry.

My job which was once safer than houses is coming to a grinding halt. I have another book to write but who can be creative when living on a knifes edge?

My friend texted me about losing her job. Another texted me about pay cuts. I watch people on the beach in Sydney and worry.

Everyone has a story, no one is untouched.

Yet somethings make me happy. The simplicity. The winding down as we come into Autumn. The sharing of home cooking recipes and those who have made their dough rise successfully. The laughter and vulnerability.

But I am tender. Easily bruised. I am going into the deepest parts of myself and feeling the distance between myself and many.

I long for a coffee with my friend who I was supposed to see on Friday 13th because we are both witches. I went into isolation on the 11th.

I long to meet my new friend who reached out to me on Twitter who I championed through some shit. We were supposed to meet on the 12th. She has gone underground now. I don’t know if she will resurface.

I was seeing my lovely friend at Easter who now cannot leave their apartment in another state and for whom I worry.

There is anxiety in the house. My husband is restless yet tired. The dogs know we are uncertain. One of them brings me his headless rubber chicken to soothe me. I feel like the human embodiment of this toy.

I have to brave the shops today. I feel sick at the thought but thrilled to be out seeing the world again. This is what the pandemic brings. The dual experience in everything.

I am working a lot. I worked yesterday on paid work and on my new book. I pushed myself to do it and lose myself in the work. This is the only thing I can hang onto right now.

All I can do is my part. Being safe. Adhering to the rules.

I will move through the day, cleaning my home, unpacking my shopping, listening to music and working. This is all I can do and that is enough.

Kate

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