Hello there,
How is your week looking? Are you okay? I was feeling what you felt the other day. It was heavy, I know. I want to remind you that you are strong for carrying it and that you are allowed to put it down from time to time.
Sometimes the uncertainty of what is to come can make us anxious. When I am in high anxiety mode, I tend to miss the signs around me that things are in motion to take care of themselves, so I try and control the will of the world.
It never works out.
Learning to bend with the wind and not break is a type of emotional tai-chi I am still mastering.
My weekend was interesting. I spent Saturday morning crying and then spent Sunday morning laughing. The dualistic nature of the world in action, I suppose. It was good to feel it all though and even better to know that tears can soon be replaced by laughter.
I was meaning to ask you if you have looked into Ennegrams at all? Someone told me about them, I cannot remember who, but I thank them anyway. It has been enlightening for me and the people I have been speaking to about them. I feel understood and I feel like I have been shaken until the silt has washed away and left in its place is my true nature, my true authentic self, flaws and all. I read a quote that said that, “The Enneagram doesn’t put you in a box. It shows you the box you’re already in and how to get out of it.”
I highly suggest you try this if you’re feeling a little misunderstood, or as though you can’t put your finger on what it is that troubles your heart. It’s a concentrated understanding of motivation and cause with ways to move forward to help you understand your motivation in life.
Find out what number you are and then you can read about them here, of just google the number. Amazingly accurate for me. So, so helpful to see I am not crazy, just have some personality traits I rely on that are unhelpful when I am stressed or anxiety, or tired et al.
The older I get the more I value self-awareness and self-discovery. We must try to get to know ourselves in this life and see how much we are expecting others to fix us, or see how much we are trying to fix others. We must do the work ourselves. Knowing yourself is a gift, which reminds me of the poem by lovely Mary Oliver who died last week.
I wish you peace in your heart and head, even if the world is swirling around you. I wish you joy in the small and large things in life. I hope you see a happy baby in its pram, or a cat sunning itself on a wall. I hope you see roses and new shoots on plants and eat something delicious, and hear a wonderful turn of phrase and sleep in on a day when you need it most.
I am here if you need to share anything.
I love you.
Kate
xx